Popular Wedding Etiquette Questions

Can I Decline to Pitch In for the Wedding Party Gift?

Here’s an important lesson every woman must learn: Don’t agree to be a bridesmaid until you know what is required of you, both logistically and financially.Once you agree to be a bridesmaid, you automatically agree to all of the duties associated with it- including gift giving. If your fellow bridesmaids want to give a gift, then you should pitch in. Think of it this way- you'd bring her a gift if you were a guest, so it's only fair. Just remember: You’re in this position because the bride is a close friend. Pitching in for a wedding present is a small price to pay for maintaining a valuable friendship.


Should We Let Single Friends Bring a Guest?

Yes! You definitely should. I know, inviting extra people is not the best for your budget. But look at it this way: If your married (or seriously involved) friends get to bring along their spouses, why should your single friends be, in a sense, punished for not having a special someone in their lives? At a wedding—an event that’s dedicated to the joys of being a part of a couple and is attended mostly by couples—the least you can do is offer your single friends the option of bringing a guest.

Can I Skip a Registry Gift and Give Money?

Absolutely! No bride and groom have ever met a check they didn’t like better than a set of glass salad plates. That includes couples who chose everything on their registry and genuinely LOVE each item on it. But guess what? They’re still going to be happy with money! It’s the thought that counts. So write a thoughtful, heartfelt card, attach it to a check, and everyone wins.

Will I Hurt Feelings If I Have a Small Wedding?

The first thing I would suggest is being clear with everyone about the size of your event from the get-go—thereby subtly signaling, “You might not be invited!” It’s especially important to drive home the small-wedding message to your parents and future in-laws, before they start spreading the good news to that extended family you've never met. For those people whose parents are paying the bill, it’s harder to veto their guest requests, so try to reach a compromise, such as "I’m willing to invite Great-Aunt Shirley, if you’re willing not to invite the family dentist."

Is it appropriate to not invite children?

The last thing any bride wants at her wedding is a child screaming during her vows, crazy kids running amuck, lighting things on fire (yes this actually happens!) and creating chaos at her perfect, very planned out, wedding. So yes, it is appropriate to "exclude" children, especially if its a formal setting or in the evening. This is obviously a very sensitive topic so if you don't want to invite children this should be addressed quickly so you can avoid those awkward conversations where you have to tell the parent that their sweet little child is (sadly) not invited. Just make sure when you broach the topic, you do so in a very polite manner as to not offend anyone, these are their kids after all. 

Trash The Dress

When you think of a wedding, the first thing that usually comes to mind is a bride in a white dress. After all of the work of salon visits, fittings, and alterations, it's no wonder that many brides want to do everything they can to keep their dress in its pristine condition after the wedding day. But some brides are taking a VERY different approach: They're wearing their wedding dress once more, with much less caution, for a dramatic photo shoot, better known as "trashing the dress.”

The wedding dress isn’t necessarily ruined. If you decide to give this a try, you and your wedding photographer will discuss just how trashed you want your dress before the damage has been done. The concepts are to relax after all the stress, let your creativity flow, and enjoy wearing your dress one last time in a liberating way. Some girls take a much gentler approach for their photo session by walking through the woods or swimming in a pond, while other girls go a bit more extreme by heading to a paintball field, changing greasy car tires, or rolling in muddy puddles. Brides who have embraced the trend say that they feel the shoot gives the gown new life instead of simply sitting in the closet. Plus, they'll have photos in their wedding album that can look as though they're straight from the pages of a high end fashion magazine. Who doesn’t want that, right!

The concept was born when Las Vegas wedding photographer John Michael Cooper became bored with more traditional wedding photo sessions, so he began asking brides to pose after their wedding day in unusual settings. The sentiment among many photographers is the same: Given the unique photos that result, it's a win-win opportunity for brides and photographers. Plus, it’s fun!