Popular Wedding Etiquette Questions

Can I Decline to Pitch In for the Wedding Party Gift?

Here’s an important lesson every woman must learn: Don’t agree to be a bridesmaid until you know what is required of you, both logistically and financially.Once you agree to be a bridesmaid, you automatically agree to all of the duties associated with it- including gift giving. If your fellow bridesmaids want to give a gift, then you should pitch in. Think of it this way- you'd bring her a gift if you were a guest, so it's only fair. Just remember: You’re in this position because the bride is a close friend. Pitching in for a wedding present is a small price to pay for maintaining a valuable friendship.


Should We Let Single Friends Bring a Guest?

Yes! You definitely should. I know, inviting extra people is not the best for your budget. But look at it this way: If your married (or seriously involved) friends get to bring along their spouses, why should your single friends be, in a sense, punished for not having a special someone in their lives? At a wedding—an event that’s dedicated to the joys of being a part of a couple and is attended mostly by couples—the least you can do is offer your single friends the option of bringing a guest.

Can I Skip a Registry Gift and Give Money?

Absolutely! No bride and groom have ever met a check they didn’t like better than a set of glass salad plates. That includes couples who chose everything on their registry and genuinely LOVE each item on it. But guess what? They’re still going to be happy with money! It’s the thought that counts. So write a thoughtful, heartfelt card, attach it to a check, and everyone wins.

Will I Hurt Feelings If I Have a Small Wedding?

The first thing I would suggest is being clear with everyone about the size of your event from the get-go—thereby subtly signaling, “You might not be invited!” It’s especially important to drive home the small-wedding message to your parents and future in-laws, before they start spreading the good news to that extended family you've never met. For those people whose parents are paying the bill, it’s harder to veto their guest requests, so try to reach a compromise, such as "I’m willing to invite Great-Aunt Shirley, if you’re willing not to invite the family dentist."

Is it appropriate to not invite children?

The last thing any bride wants at her wedding is a child screaming during her vows, crazy kids running amuck, lighting things on fire (yes this actually happens!) and creating chaos at her perfect, very planned out, wedding. So yes, it is appropriate to "exclude" children, especially if its a formal setting or in the evening. This is obviously a very sensitive topic so if you don't want to invite children this should be addressed quickly so you can avoid those awkward conversations where you have to tell the parent that their sweet little child is (sadly) not invited. Just make sure when you broach the topic, you do so in a very polite manner as to not offend anyone, these are their kids after all. 

Trash The Dress

When you think of a wedding, the first thing that usually comes to mind is a bride in a white dress. After all of the work of salon visits, fittings, and alterations, it's no wonder that many brides want to do everything they can to keep their dress in its pristine condition after the wedding day. But some brides are taking a VERY different approach: They're wearing their wedding dress once more, with much less caution, for a dramatic photo shoot, better known as "trashing the dress.”

The wedding dress isn’t necessarily ruined. If you decide to give this a try, you and your wedding photographer will discuss just how trashed you want your dress before the damage has been done. The concepts are to relax after all the stress, let your creativity flow, and enjoy wearing your dress one last time in a liberating way. Some girls take a much gentler approach for their photo session by walking through the woods or swimming in a pond, while other girls go a bit more extreme by heading to a paintball field, changing greasy car tires, or rolling in muddy puddles. Brides who have embraced the trend say that they feel the shoot gives the gown new life instead of simply sitting in the closet. Plus, they'll have photos in their wedding album that can look as though they're straight from the pages of a high end fashion magazine. Who doesn’t want that, right!

The concept was born when Las Vegas wedding photographer John Michael Cooper became bored with more traditional wedding photo sessions, so he began asking brides to pose after their wedding day in unusual settings. The sentiment among many photographers is the same: Given the unique photos that result, it's a win-win opportunity for brides and photographers. Plus, it’s fun!

Easiest way to manage your budget!

When you look at your budget, the easiest way to cut down on your budget is my controlling your guest count. Most couples struggle with who they should and shouldn't invite, and they can't seem to find a good place to draw the line. Do you invite your entire office? Your Mom's sister's best friend? Your babysitter's family? Once you look at your bottom line, making the guest count manageable becomes a big priority.

 

The guest count controls the amount of food, wait staff, seating and rentals that you will need for your wedding. These factors all bring up the cost very quickly, so we came up with a few ways you can make your guest list a bit more manageable:

-For quicker responses from guests, include postage for RSVPs. They are more likely to throw it back in the mail if it doesn't require any extra effort from them. Anything that makes it easier for them to respond is a must.

-If you have guests you are unsure about inviting, wait until you get some responses from guests who are unable to attend. Once you have a base count, you will have a better idea of how many of your "possible extra" guests you can invite. Phasing your invitations is smart and it allows you to send a second round.

-If you are trying to keep a small guest count, do not include an option on RSVP cards for additional guests. Make sure that the invitation doesn't infer that people can bring a date. If it is for a family, just be sure to address the envelope to the family, or the individual it is intended for, and keep a count of how many people were invited. 

-If your RSVP date has passed, simply call your guests to see if they will be able to attend. It is a little extra effort, but it is always better to be safe than sorry. You don't want to end up paying for guests that will not be there. If your going to pay the price, you might as well have someone else in their spot.

There are always easy excuses for not inviting guests, such as budget and venue constraints, and most of the time, that is an issue anyway! It’s your wedding and you need to enjoy your company, so don’t feel obligated to invite anyone you don't want It should be a memorable day with your best friends and family! Happy planning!

Just when you think the hard part is over...

My elders have always told me that getting married is the easiest part…the difficult part is changing your name and everything that comes afterwards haha. Many people make the process out to be much harder than it actually is, so I am going to give you a step-by-step guide to changing your name without all the hassles that everyone seems to talk about. Just take things one step at a time and the changes will be made before you know it.

Marriage Licenses: Before you start the name changing process, make sure you have at least 3 certified copies of your marriage license.

1. Social Security Card - The first thing you should change is your Social Security Card. To apply for a new Social Security Card, complete an application online (http://www.socialsecurity.gov/ssnumber/ss5.htm) and mail it to your local Social Security Office.
2. Passport - Next, I recommend updating your passport. This is how you can get around state laws that restrict two middle names on drivers' licenses. Some DMV’s require you to list your name on your Drivers' License exactly as it appears on your Passport, so if you update your passport first, the DMV has to list your name that way.  Fill out the correct forms and mail them in as directed. (http://travel.state.gov/passport/correcting/ChangeName/ChangeName_851.html)
3. DMV - Then, change your name with the DMV. Contact your local DMV to find out what the paperwork requirements are, but I would recommend bringing every form of identification that you can find (birth certificate, marriage license, old license, passport, etc.)
4. Everything Else - Most of the other changes you will need to make can be taken care of by completing this process. .

1. Open up a word document.
2. Use the Following Template:

Date:

«Company»

«Address», «Address_2»

«City», «State» «Zip»

Re: Request to change name on account # «Account_»

Dear Sir or Madam:

My account is carried under my maiden name: <     >. However, I have recently married and now am legally known as: <     >.

This letter is my formal request that you change your records of my account to reflect my new name. Below I have listed the pertinent information you can use to update my account record:

Pre-marriage information	Updated information

If you have any questions about these changes, you can contact me by mail at my new address or by telephone at .

I am enclosing a copy of my marriage license. This will verify my name change and ensure accurate spelling on my updated account record. 

Thank you for your prompt attention to my request.

Sincerely,

Enclosure: marriage license (copy).

3. The letter can be updated to include other information that may need to be changed.
4. Include a photocopy of your marriage license with each letter (do NOT sent your certified copies unless it is specifically requested).
5. Mail the letters and you're all set.

Items that may be handled (some of these items may require additional information) include (but are not limited to):

• Employer information
• Credit Card Accounts
• Financial Accounts
• Mailing Address
• Utility Companies
• Homeowner/Rental information
• Attorneys
• Medical accounts
• Voter Registration
• Schools
• Insurance accounts
• Subscriptions

 

Budget Battle

Each and every wedding is different, and requires very special attention...especially to the budget! We have compiled a general list of how the budget should be distributed, and a few tips to help keep you on track! :)

Wedding Budget Breakdown:

·         Reception (Food, Beverages, Rentals, and Site): 40 percent to 50 percent

Flowers: 10 percent

Photography/Videography: 10 percent

Bride's and groom's attire: 5 percent to 10 percent

Music: 5 percent to 10 percent

Planner or Coordinator: 10 percent to 15 percent

Miscellaneous (Favors, Transportation, Etc.): 10 percent

Cushion: 5 percent to 15 percent

Budget No-No’s

1.       Never go into debt to pay for a wedding. Instead, consider throwing an intimate gathering and put off the big reception until you've saved up for it.

2.       Don't charge your wedding bills unless you can pay off the balance in full as soon as you get each statement. Credit-card interest rates and finance charges can add hundreds, even thousands, of dollars to your bill, even if you carry a balance for only a month or two.

3.       Don't agree to any upgrades (colored table linens, fancy chair covers) without first asking if they cost extra.

4.       Don't spend more than you'd planned in one area unless you can cut that cost in another area.

5.       Don't budget for fewer guests than you invited. It's better to overestimate

How to Stay on Budget:

1.       To arrive at a realistic budget, start by researching the price of weddings in your specific area. The average varies wildly across the country—from around $20,000 to $75,000-plus.

2.       If you have your heart set on a specific site, florist, or band, call that vendor to get a sense of their fees. During this preliminary planning stage, you'll also need a ballpark figure for the number of guests you'd like to invite. All this early deliberation and fact-finding will give you a more accurate estimate of how much your fantasy wedding will cost.

3.       You and your fiance need to have an open, respectful talk about how much you can actually afford. Whether to include others in this conversation depends on who will be contributing to the wedding. If your families are willing to open their checkbooks, it's crucial to get their input up front, and to be mindful of your hosts' limits and gracious about their choices.

4.       Once you've settled on a hard number, the next step is setting your top priorities. Perhaps your top priority is a gourmet dinner, a breathtaking location, or mind-blowing live music. Once you can determine that, it will tell you where you should put most of your budget.

5.      Although it's always tough to realize you can't have everything, there are all kinds of creative ways of saving money that don't look like you're saving money. Some of them are sneaky and simple, like cutting down on the number of tables at your reception, which translates into fewer expensive centerpieces. Some of them aren't quite so pain-free.

6.       Remaining within your budget also means staying organized. Track your expenditures by saving receipts and recording your spending. File copies of every vendor estimate in a folder so you can refer to them if need be. And remember to keep a cool head and just say no to things you can't afford.

How to Buy Engagement Rings that are Wallet Friendly

Getting engaged is such an exciting time for a couple! It is something they will remember forever, and a story that will be passed down for generations, so of course it needs to be special. But with all of the expenses that come with starting a life together (wedding, new home, etc) the engagement ring budget can be a stressful thought. People generally say to spend about two month’s salary, give or take, depending on your comfort level. But there are some tricks that can help keep you within your budget, while still scoring your bride to be a gorgeous ring.

·         Put a ring around it- You know the saying, "strength in numbers"? The same holds true for enhancing a stone. A ring with a halo setting (a circle of smaller diamonds around the center stone) can make the diamond in the middle look bigger. And it's not just a great way to create the illusion of additional carats- a halo can also completely change the appearance of diamond by giving it a vintage look.

·         Opt for an Emerald Cut- An emerald cut has fewer facets (the surfaces that reflect light and make the diamond sparkle), so it won't be as shiny, but the shape allows the diamond to cover more surface area than other cuts of the same carat weight do. It will look bigger. And it's a timeless style, so your ring will never seem passé.

·         Skip Eternity Bands- Diamonds all the way around the band are not for the frugal ring shopper. Instead, look for a band that focuses on the center stone, like one that's embellished with twists or engraving. If you still want a little extra sparkle, add baguette diamonds on each side of the center stone for a lower cost.

·         Go Color Crazy- Consider a colored gem for the center stone. Pink sapphires have a similar rosy hue to pink diamonds, while citrine creates the same effect as yellow diamonds.

·         Pick a Prong-Less metal means a lower cost, so go for a prong setting (which secures the diamond like a tripod above the band) over a bezel one (a metal ring holds the gem stone in place). This setting is a great way to highlight the diamond, and there's a maintenance upside to this one too: Since more of the stone is visible, it's easier to clean.

·         Make it a set: Sometimes you can score a deal if you buy the engagement ring and the wedding band at the same time. You might even be able to get the groom's wedding band at the same time for even more savings.

You know she's worth every penny, but you don't have to break the bank to buy a stunning ring. Follow these engagement ring budget tips to get a ring she'll love at a price your wallet can handle.

 

How to choose your wedding colors

The colors you choose for your wedding day set the style and tone for your entire event! What do you want your guests and you to remember?! You can use color in your bridesmaids' dresses, decorations, cake, favors, flowers, accessories, table linens and even the invitations! Choose colors you love, but also keep in mind:

·         Where is the wedding and reception? Choose colors that complement the setting if you can. Consider the carpeting, drapery and decor, etc.

·         What mood do you want to create? Vibrant colors add drama, while soft colors evoke a more romantic atmosphere.

·         What time of year will you marry? The season may influence your color scheme. Spring and summer colors tend to be lighter, while fall and winter colors are generally darker.

There has been a lot of research done on how colors affect our moods and emotions. Colors mean different things in different cultures, so avoid focusing too much on them, and choose the colors that you like. The following two tools can help you choose a coordinated color scheme.

·         Color Wheel - A color wheel helps you choose coordinating colors. There are three color-choosing strategies that will ensure you pick a well coordinated, beautiful color scheme.

o    "Complementary" colors means choosing colors that are opposite each other on the wheel, such as red and green. The contrast is usually has good visual appeal.

o    "Analogous" means the colors lie next to each other on the wheel, such as red, red-orange, and orange. Since they are so similar in tone, they will blend well.

o    "Monochromatic" means variations of the same tone, such as bright red, dark red, etc..

·         Color Palette Generator Tool - This handy (and fun!) tool allows you to upload your favorite photo and generate an instant color palette. You can then print and select your favorite colors from the chart

Tips: Try to limit your main colors to two or three so as not to look too jumbled and stay consistent with your colors throughout the wedding site. Use a few subdued colors for an elegant look.

2012 Wedding Color Trends

The table below includes popular wedding color choices for the upcoming seasons:

	aqua	tangerine	lilac	mustard	antique blue
	deep red	latte	lavender	charcoal	sage

 

Do Me a Favor

Tired of getting the same old wedding favors? Your wedding guests deserve the cutest favors, from the cutest wedding! Here are some unconventional wedding favors that we know will be a hit.

We love the idea of doing favors that really mean something. If you have guests coming from near and far, how about sending them home with not only a favor, but also a souvenir? This Bride was from Georgia and sent everyone home with a jar of homemade peach preserves and the south's best kept breakfast secret: Grits! 

The perfect hangover kit for your guests the next morning 

Heartfelt favors are something everyone will enjoy and want to take home. This couple sent their guests home with a baseball cap, blackberry jam made by the bride, and coffee from the groom's hometown. 

"Mint to Be"

 These white orchids are beautiful. We've also seen Mint and Thyme favors. ("Mint to Be" "Thyme of our lives"etc.)  Gorgeous, elegant, adorable.  Something guests can enjoy for a long time. 

Sending your guests home with ready to make
chocolate chip cookies: um, YES PLEASE 

 

Goodie box full of herbal tea and shortbread cookies to compliment.

For more unique favor ideas, visit http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/

Happy Planning :) 

To toss or not to toss?

If you are a bride who is interested in forging your own path, and you prefer to avoid the bouquet toss, there are many new alternatives that still engage your audience and will leave a lasting impression! That IS the whole point of throwing your expensive flowers at a group of rowdy girls, right?! ;)

Some brides think that tossing the bouquet comes across as silly and childish, so they'd prefer to do something else, which is totally acceptable. A very popular option is the anniversary dance, which is a very cute way to involve the audience and show the value of commitment! The DJ will ask all the married couples to join the bride and groom on the dance floor. They will play a romantic song (or fun- depending on the mood you're going for) and eliminate couples depending on the amount of time they've been married. The last couple remaining on the dance floor, the one married the longest, would then be presented with your bridal bouquet! Some girls feel much better about passing on their bouquet in this manner.

Another cute idea is to give your bouquet to someone who is extremely special to you, or someone who was a huge impact in your marriage...maybe even the person who set you up! Some brides want to spread the wealth, so they will chose to break up their bouquet into many smaller groups and give them to their bridesmaids or special wedding guests. This is something they will all remember and definitely cherish.

If you want to do something a little less traditional, and are going for a "fun" vibe, you could use a pinata and have all the single guests (or ALL of the guests if you prefer) take a whack at it! The inside can be filled with candy, the bouquet, the garter, party favors....etc, or all of the above! This will be talked about for years to come.

Have fun with it...it's all about engaging the guests and enjoying yourself, so find something that channels your personality and you can't go wrong!!!

Finding the Perfect Place for your Big Day!

So you’re engaged, now what? First things first…where are you going to get married? Finding the perfect venue is usually the first step in the planning process, and then the rest of the wedding details will easily fall into place! When you are looking for a venue, there are a few things to keep in mind:

·         A Roomy Fit. This may seem like such a logical concept, but having a room that is large enough to hold your guests is essential!  It’s important to keep in mind that a space looks much larger empty. All of the wedding details- dance floor, bar, tables, chairs, cake tables, etc-take up a lot of space, and you want to allow the guests to have some extra room to move around. The best way to judge the size of a room is to see it set up for an event similar in size in the same room. Many times venues will allow you to stop by early on the day of a wedding to see how it looks all set up.

·         Areas for eating, drinking, and dancing. There should always be separate places for these activities to take place. When you’re standing in the space, try to imagine where each activity would take place. You want the party to flow. If the room is a strange shape, or it is just too small, the wedding will feel cramped! Try to think of what would block guest’s views, or what activity should be located next to another.

·         Privacy. This is something that is more important to some people than to others. If you would like to have your wedding in a public park or on the public beaches, it is important to keep in mind that people may be walking through during your wedding. If you prefer something more private, opt for a private beach or pay for a venue that is exclusive for events.  Some restaurants and smaller venues may allow you to buy-them out, to accommodate guests only. Also, make sure to ask about the security they provide, if any. Some venues hold more than one event at a time, and you may hear them. If this is something that you prefer to avoid, try to schedule your big day when there isn’t something else going on next door!

·         Lighting. This may seem to be a very miniscule detail, but lighting can make or break your wedding! If you’re getting married during the day, make sure that the venue has lots of windows. If it is taking place in the evening, make sure that the room isn’t too dim and check to see if the lighting can be controlled for the big entrance, dancing, and dinner. If the wedding is outdoors, are candles allowed? Where can you put them? Always be sure to visit the site the same time of day as your wedding. You want to make sure that you are pleased with how it appears visually to both you and your guests.

·         A Great View. It is always a plus to have a beautiful backdrop. Guests will love it, and it makes for beautiful pictures to remember your special day! If there isn’t a view necessarily, look at the place’s décor or architectural details- all of these things give the venue a little something special.

·         Ample Outlets. Be sure that you do a walkthrough of the room to make sure that there are plenty of places to plug things into. The entertainment will use the majority of the outlets, so make sure that their area of the venue has plenty of places for them to hook up. If the venue doesn’t host many weddings, be sure to find out their policy on bringing it outside electricity!    

·         Good Acoustics. Make sure the venue doesn’t echo too much. That could cause the band to sound funky, and it could also make it difficult for the guests to hear each other speaking! It’s good to remember that a tile or wood floor tends to amplify sounds, whereas thick carpet will muffle them.

·         Plenty of Parking. Make sure the site is near a parking lot, garage, or big empty street that allows parking. If parking is a problem, look for other ways to get everyone to the party. Can a shuttle bus or vans take guests from the ceremony to the reception?

Good Luck Venue Hunting! Have fun with it. This is where you'll spend the most important day of your life :)

Introducing: Honeymoon Pixie

Besides the joy of seeing the bride walk down the aisle, the anticipation of waiting for the couple’s first dance, and eating unhealthy amounts of cake, one of the most traditional parts of wedding preparation is selecting and giving a gift to the new bride and groom. These gifts normally center around household accessories and kitchen gadgets. Something we seldom think about, however, is this: Unless it's something the couple has expressed really needing, chances are they already have it or have no need for it. 
Many brides I know are still trying to find room for the plethora of wedding gifts they received. 

So let us ask you this: Why not give something they bride and groom can cherish forever? 
...how about an awesome honeymoon? Yes please.  

Introducing Honeymoon Pixie, a honeymoon gift registry. 

Honeymoon Pixie is just like any gift registry, however instead of registering for household items, you register for gifts to go towards your honeymoon. These can include things like a bottle of champagne, a romantic dinner for two at a restaurant on site, or even resort activities like parasailing or snorkeling. The list goes on. 

Your wedding guests visit your unique registry website and purchase gifts for your honeymoon. If you choose not to use a gift you receive, you can request to have the gift funds be sent to you at any time! 

When Honeymoon Pixie's founders, Andrew and Gina Marino, got married, they said they decided on a local honeymoon to help keep costs down and to stay within their budget.  While this was romantic and memorable, they wished they could have splurged on a more exotic honeymoon. 

Looking back, they say they would have preferred a monetary gift to take that honeymoon that they always dreamed about instead of receiving gifts they didn't really need. From there, the Marinos decided they wanted to ensure that other couples had an easy solution to this common dilemma-and Honeymoon Pixie was born!

We love love love this idea! Visit Honeymoon Pixie today to start your very own registry. Soon, you can be on your way to the honeymoon of your dreams.
http://www.honeymoonpixie.com

Happy planning :)

What, When, & Wear?

Years ago around Christmas time, a miscommunication led me to wear a cocktail dress to an engagement party that was supposed to be a "drop in and out for a quick drink in between Christmas shopping in your sweats" party. 

.....Needless to say, I dropped out faster than Cinderella at midnight.

Awkward moment #okayI'velostcount: That feeling of walking into a room to notice you are severely under or overdressed. We've all been there.

I thought of this story the other day after I received a text from a panicked girlfriend asking what to wear to a wedding she was attending as a date. She really liked the guy and was going to know no one there, so her wardrobe decision was critical. As we swapped pictures of potential outfits, I realized just how to tricky weddings can be when it comes to what to wear. I began to think about all of the weddings I've attended and how often I see women dressed improperly dressed for the occasion.

Choosing proper attire is all about taking into consideration the season, time of the wedding, and the venue where it is taking place.

1. Season: Spring or Summer
Go for a fun floral dress. You want to wear something colorful. Stay away from black or navy. Too dark you'll look like you're going to the office. Most importantly, do not wear white.

 Winter and Fall

During these seasons you can tone your color down. Anything too bright will draw attention and take away from the bride, which we never want to do. 

2. Time 

Rule of thumb: the later the wedding, the more formal. 

Most use 6:00 p.m. as the standard before and after time (before 6 p.m. is casual, while after is more formal.)  

3. Venue: 

The Venue plays a huge part in what to wear as a guest. If it's a backyard or beach wedding, a casual dress with flats would work perfectly. If it's in a church or more elegant setting, go for a nice "After 6" dress with heels. If the ceremony is in a church, wear something with a sleeve or at least wide straps. This may seem "old school" for some, but you can spare a few nasty glares from grandparents this way. ;)

Get these down, and you'll be flawless. Happy attending :)